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Choosing a Good Spouse in Marriage
AUTHOR: Abdus-Salaam bin ‘Abdillaah As-Sulaymaan
SOURCE: Tarbiyat-ul-Awlaad fee Daw’-il-Kitaabi was-Sunnah (pg. 18-22)
PRODUCED BY: Al-Ibaanah.com
[From the upcoming Al-Ibaanah publication: "Raising Children in Light of the Qur'aan
and Sunnah" by 'Abdus-Salaam As-Sulaymaan. The book was introduced and
commended by Shaikh Saalih Al-Fawzaan.]
2. Choosing the Mother (i.e. one’s wife):
If someone wishes to produce ripe fruits, he will indeed search for the land that is most fertile. One of the great aspects of wisdom behind getting married is to produce righteous offspring that will worship Allaah and serve as a provision for their parents. The Prophet ﷺ said:
“Marry women that are loving and fertile for indeed I will outnumber the
nations through you.” [Reported by Abu Dawood] [1]
Furthermore, the Prophet clarified the people’s standards when seeking a partner for marriage, saying:
“A woman is married for four (reasons): Her wealth, her lineage,
her beauty and her religion. So choose the woman with (good) religious qualities, mayyour hand be covered in dust.”[2]
Allaah says: “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard.” [Surah An-Nisaa: 34]
The devoutly obedient (Qaanitaat) here refers to those women obey their husbands – by guarding their honor, wealth and lives in their absence.
The Prophet ﷺ warned about (marrying) a beautiful woman from a bad origin, saying:
“Beware of the green manure.” The Companions asked: “What is the green manure?” He said: “A beautiful woman of bad origin (i.e. upbringing).” [Reported by AdDaaraqutnee] [3]
On the other hand, he praised a woman with good religious qualities, saying: “Shall I not inform you of the best treasure that a man gathers – A righteous wife.” [Reported by Al-Haakim] [4]
And he said: “Choose for your seeds (a good mother), for indeed breeding is a strategy.” [Reported by Ibn Maajah] [5]
This is from the rights that a child has over his father – that he picks a good mother for
him.
A man once came to ‘Umar bin Al-Khattaab complaining about his son being undutiful to him. He had brought his son with him and began blaming him for his disobedience, so the son asked: “Doesn’t a son have a right over his father also?” ‘Umar said: “Of course.” The son said: “Then what is it?” ‘Umar replied: “That his father carefully chooses a mother for him, that he gives him a good name and that he teaches him the Qur’aan.”At this, the son said: “My father has not done any of these things. As for my mother, she was a black slave woman that used to belong to a Zoroastrian (Majoos). He named me Ju’al and did not teach me even one letter from the Qur’aan.” ‘Umar turned to the man and said: “You came to me to complain about your son being undutiful to you, however, it is you who were undutiful to him before that!”
Abul-Aswad Ad-Du’alee once told his children: “I was good to you when you were
children, when you grew up, and also before you were born.” They asked: “And how is it that you were good to us before we were born?” He said: “I chose for you a mother through whom you would not be mistreated.” Ar-Riyaashee would recite this same theme in the following poetic verses: “The first good thing I did for you was my choosing (for you) an honorable woman of noble descent and clear virtue.”
The Wife Searching for a Righteous Husband:
Just as a husband should look for a righteous wife, so too should a woman look to choose a righteous husband. Abu Hurairah reported that the Messenger of Allaah said:
“If someone should come to you whose religion and character you are pleased with, marry (your daughter) off to him. If you do not do so, there will be mischief in the land and widespread corruption.” [6]
Based on this, we see that the firm foundation that a potential couple should base their selection of one another should be that of: Religion and Character. This is what will bring about a correct and proper upbringing for children.
On the wedding night when the groom consummates the marriage, it is recommended for him to say:
“O Allaah, I ask you for her good and the good that she was molded
upon” whilst placing his hand upon her head. He should also pray two rak’aat with her.
[7]
Footnotes:
[1] Reported by Abu Dawood (2050) and An-Nasaa’ee (3227) from the narration of
Ma’qal bin Yassaar and authenticated by Ibn Hibbaan (4056 and 4057). The hadeeth was
also reported by Ahmad in al-Musnad (12613) and Ibn Hibbaan (4028) from the narration
of Anas bin Maalik.
[2] Reported by Al-Bukhaaree (5090), Muslim (1466), Abu Dawood (2047), An-Nasaa’ee (3230) and Ahmad in al-Musnad (9521)
[3] Reported by Ad-Daaraqutnee in al-Afraad from the narration of Abu Sa’eed in marfoo’
form. Al-‘Ajaloonee mentioned it in Kashf-ul-Khafaa (1/319, no. 855). What it means is
that it is disliked to marry a corrupt woman since a woman with bad roots will affect her
child negatively. The basis (for the similitude) is that crops grow upon manure that is
placed in a dirty area. So the outward appearance of the crops appears nice but the inner
appearance of the manure is vile and rotten. The word diman is the plural of the word
dimnah, and that refers to manure (i.e. fertilizer). [4] Reported by Al-Haakim in alMustadrak (2/363, no. 3281) from the narration of Ibn ‘Abbaas.
[5] Reported by Ibn Maajah (1968) from the narration of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased
with her, with the wording: “Choose (a good mother) for your seeds, marry the suitable
ones (among women) and wed (your children) to them.” It is also reported with the
wording: “And look into which source you place your child for indeed breeding is a
strategy.” This hadeeth was transmitted by Al-Qadaa’ee in Musnad-ush-Shihaab (1/370,
no. 638) from the narration of Ibn ‘Umar. Also see Kashf-ul-Khafaa (1/358, no. 960).
[6] Reported by At-Tirmidhee (1085) from the narration of Abu Haatim Al-Muznee, and
he said: “This is a hasan ghareeb hadeeth.” Abu Haatim Al-Muznee was a Companion. No
other hadeeth is known to have been reported by him on the Prophet except this hadeeth.
Abu Dawood also mentioned it in al-Maraaseel (224) but according to him, Abu Haatim
Al-Muznee is a Taabi’ee. The hadeeth also has a supporting witness in the hadeeth of Abu
Hurairah with the wording: “If someone whose religion and character you are pleased
with proposes marriage to you (i.e. your daughter), then marry (her) off to him. If
you fail to do so, there will be mischief in the land and widespread corruption.”
[Reported by At-Tirmidhee (1084) and Ibn Maajah (1967)]
[7] Reported by Al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak (2/202, no. 2757); ‘Abdullaah bin ‘Amr
reported that Allaah’s Messenger said: “If one of you obtains a slave-girl or a wife or a
riding beast, he should take hold of her forelock, supplicate for blessings and say: ‘O
Allaah, I ask You for her good and the good that she was molded upon. And I seek
refuge in You from her evil and the evil that she was molded upon.” Al-Haakim
authenticated it and Adh-Dhahabee agreed.
The Ruling on Saying: "Ya Muhammad"
Firstly:It was not permissible to address the Prophet ﷺ by saying “Ya Muhammad” during his lifetime, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Make not the calling of the Messenger (Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم) among you as your calling one of another”[al-Noor 24:63].
Al-Dahhaak said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: They used to say Ya Muhammad, Ya Aba’l-Qaasim, but Allaah told them not to do that, out of respect to His Prophet ﷺ. So they said Ya Rasool Allaah (O Messenger of Allaah), Ya Nabi Allaah (O Prophet of Allaah). Mujaahid and Sa’eed ibn Jubayr said something similar.
Qataadah said: Allaah enjoined that His Prophet ﷺ should be treated with respect and venerated and honoured as a leader. Muqaatil ibn Hayyaan said: Do not address him by name when you call him and say Ya Muhammad, and do not say Ya Ibn ‘Abd-Allaah. Rather address him with honour and say Ya Nabi Allaah or Ya Rasool Allaah.
Maalik said, narrating from Zayd ibn Aslam: Allaah enjoined them to address him with honour.
So the Prophet ﷺ should not be addressed by name only, rather it should be said: Ya Rasool Allaah, Ya Nabi Allaah.
Secondly:It is not permissible to call on the Prophet ﷺ in du’aa’ after his death, because du’aa’ is an act of worship that can only be directed to Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And the mosques are for Allaah (Alone), so invoke not anyone along with Allaah”[al-Jinn 72:13]
“And who is more astray than one who calls on (invokes) besides Allaah, such as will not answer him till the Day of Resurrection, and who are (even) unaware of their calls (invocations) to them?”[al-Ahqaaf 46:5]
And the Prophet ﷺ said to Ibn ‘Abbaas رضي الله عنه: “If you ask, then ask of Allaah, and if you seek help then seek help from Allaah.”Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2516) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi.
Du’aa’ is asking for benefit and asking for harm to be warded off, and it is not only done by saying Yaa (O…), rather it has become customary among people to use this call in du’aa’, especially when hardship comes and calamity strikes, so they say Ya Allaah, meaning O Allaah, save us, give us help, support us.
This is the action of monotheists (believers in Tawheed) who do not call upon anyone other than Allaah. As for those who worship graves and tombs, they call upon their “saints” and revered ones, saying Ya Badawi, Ya Rifaa’i, Ya Jilaani, and what they mean is, O Badawi, help us, come to our aid, save us.
And some of them say: Ya Rasool-Allaah, Ya Muhammad, in this manner also. This is calling upon him, seeking his help and turning to him.
It is well known that this is one of the worst ways of going against the message that was brought by Muhammad ﷺ and the other Messengers, and that was revealed in the Books, namely the call to Tawheed and worshipping Allaah alone, and forsaking the worship of all others.
It is not acceptable in the religion of Islam, which Allaah has chosen as the religion for His slaves, to call upon anyone except Allaah, not any Prophet who was sent or any angel who is close to Him. Rather we are to call upon Him alone. Hence Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Is not He (better than your gods) Who responds to the distressed one, when he calls on Him, and Who removes the evil, and makes you inheritors of the earth, generations after generations? Is there any ilaah (god) with Allaah? Little is that you remember!”[al-Naml 27:62]
Thus it is known that if a person says Ya Muhammad or Ya Rasool Allaah, not intending thereby to call upon him and seek his help, then there is nothing wrong with it, such as if he wants to call him to mind and remember him, such as if he reads a hadeeth and says Sall-Allaah ‘alayka ya Rasool-Allaah (May Allaah send blessings upon you, O Messenger of Allaah) or How great and beautiful are your words, O Messenger of Allaah. But saying Ya Muhammad is contrary to good manners, as explained above.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: Is it shirk if someone says in any place on earth, Ya Muhammad Ya Rasool-Allaah, calling him?
He replied:
Allaah has stated in His Holy Book and on the lips of His Messenger ﷺ that worship is the right of Allaah alone and no one else has any share of it, and that du’aa’ is a kind of worship, so if a person says in any place on earth, Ya Rasool-Allaah, Ya Nabi Allaah or Ya Muhammad, help me, or save me, or support me, or heal me, or support your ummah, or heal the sick Muslims, and guide their misguided ones and so on, then he is making him a partner with Allaah in worship. The same applies to those who do the same thing with regard to other Prophets, angels, awliya’ (“saints), jinn, idols or any other created beings, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And I (Allaah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)”[al-Dhaariyaat 51:56]
“O mankind! Worship your Lord (Allaah), Who created you and those who were before you so that you may become Al-Muttaqoon (the pious”[al-Baqarah 2:21]
End quote from Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Baaz (2/453).
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: Some people at times of hardship say Ya Muhammad or Ya ‘Ali or Ya Jilaani. What is the ruling on that?
He replied:
If the intention is to call upon them and seek their help, then the person is a mushrik in the sense of major shirk that puts one beyond the pale of Islam, and he must repent to Allaah and call upon Allaah alone, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Is not He (better than your gods) Who responds to the distressed one, when he calls on Him, and Who removes the evil, and makes you inheritors of the earth, generations after generations? Is there any ilaah (god) with Allaah? Little is that you remember!”[al-Naml 27:62]
As well as being a mushrik, he is also fooling himself. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And who turns away from the religion of Ibraaheem (Abraham) (i.e. Islamic Monotheism) except him who befools himself?”[al-Baqarah 2:130]
“And who is more astray than one who calls on (invokes) besides Allaah, such as will not answer him till the Day of Resurrection, and who are (even) unaware of their calls (invocations) to them?”[al-Ahqaaf 46:5]
End quote from Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (2/133).
What Every Muslim Should Know About Christmas
What proceeds is an analytical view of Christmas and appropriate Muslim conduct during the Christmas season.
Any belief system or ritual (Christmas or otherwise) in any religion should satisfy each of the following criteria to be labeled as authentic:
1. It should have its evidence from the scriptures or from the authentic sayings of the Messenger.
2. The Messenger himself and his companions should practice and propagate it.
3. The Scripture or the Messenger's sayings in which this belief system is present should be preserved from alterations or perishment.
Does Christmas have Biblical Evidence?
The word 'Christmas' is not even present in the entire Bible. The Bible has closed lips on the entire feast of Christmas with one exception, the decoration of tree. Fortunately, for the Christians, the Bible does has a word or two to say on the decoration of the Christmas tree, but unfortunately for them, their own Bible criticizes the use of decorating tree:
How Muslims Should Behave in Non-Muslim Societies
... Likewise I invite you to have respect for those people who have the right that they should be respected, those between whom there is an agreement (of protection) for you. For the land in which you are living is such that there is an agreement between you and them. If this were not the case they would have killed you or expelled you. So preserve this agreement, and do not prove treacherous to it, since treachery is a sign of the hypocrites, and it is not from the way of the Believers. And know that it is authentically reported from the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) that he said,
Whoever kills one who is under and agreement of protection will not smell the fragrance of Paradise.
Do not be fooled by those sayings of the foolish people, those who say "Those people are Non-Muslims, so their wealth is lawful for us (to misappropriate or take by way of murder and killing)." For by Allaah - this is a lie. A lie about Allaah's Religion, and a lie about Islamic societies.
So we may not say that it is lawful to be treacherous towards people whom we have an agreement with.
O my brothers. O youth. O Muslims. Be truthful in your buying and selling, and renting, and leasing, and in all mutual transactions. Because truthfulness is from the characteristics of the Believers, and Allaah - the Most High - has commanded truthfulness - in the saying of Allaah - the Most High -
O you who believe - fear and keep you duty to Allaah and be with the truthful
And the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) encouraged truthfulness and said,
Adhere to truthfulness, because truthfulness leads to goodness, and goodness leads to Paradise. And a person will continue to be truthful, and strive to be truthful until he will be written down with Allaah as a truthful person.
And he (صلى الله عليه وسلم) warned against falsehood, and said,
Beware of falsehood, because falsehood leads to wickedness, and wickedness leads to the Fire. And a person will continue lying, and striving to lie until he is written down with Allaah as a great liar.
O my brother Muslims. O youth. Be true in your sayings with your brothers, and with those Non-Muslims whom you live along with - so that you will be inviters to the Religion of Islaam, by your actions and in reality. So how many people there are who first entered into Islaam because of the behaviour and manners of the Muslims, and their truthfulness, and their being true in their dealings.
Story of Barsisa, the worshipper.
He let her stay in a house opposite the church. He did this so that it would be easy for him to leave her her food outside the church and she could come get it herself. But after sometime, shaytan returned. This time he told Barsisa, "Why don’t you leave the food closer for her, so that people don’t see her moving back and forth alone!" Barsisa agreed and started leaving the food outside the house. But shaytan wasn’t happy with this either, so sometime later, he returned and ask Barsisa, "Why don’t you go in and leave it on the table, so that no one sees her coming out and going in alone all the time!" Again, Barsisa agreed and he started leaving the food on the table.
Then as time went by, Shaytan returned and said to him, "Why don’t you talk to her, she is all alone and has no one to talk to!" Barsisa agreed and started talking to her from behind a door (so as to screen himself). But this would lead them to almost shouting to each other to here themselves. Shaytan asked Barsisa to just go in and talk to her, and finally, he (Shaytan) had got the alone in a room. Shaytan had completed the difficult part. It wasn’t after Barsisa and the woman committed fornication. And to make things worse, she also became pregnant. As soon as the baby was born, Shaytan returned, and said to Barsisa, "What have you done? Look at the result of your evil (ie the child), get ride of the evidence otherwise the brothers will kill you!" Barsisa killed the baby and buried it in the same room the woman was in. Shaytan then told Barsisa, "Do you think you can kill the child of a woman and expect her not to tell anyone?!" and So Barsisa killed her and buried her along side the baby! He then made a fake grace outside and when her brothers returned, he informed them that she died of illness. After seeing the grave and make dua for her, they returned home and accepted Allah’s decree.
Later that night, Shaytan came to them in their dream and informed them about what Barsisa had done and where the child and their sister could be found. The brother got up upset and confused, and informed his brothers of the dream, and they both said they had the same dream. So they believed that it must be true, and when and dug up the fake grave and found it empty. They then dug the placed shaytan showed them in the dream and found the child and woman!
Furious, the brothers took Barsisa to the Leader to get his punishment. Barsisa knew that he would be given the death penalty. Shaytan came to Barsisa again, for the final time this time. This time he revealed himself and told him he was the one whispering the thoughts to him. And he said that he could save Barsisa, and as long as Barsisa makes sujood to him! Barsisa, out of desperation made Sujood to him , this confirmed his Kufr (disbelief) and Shaytan said to him "I am free of you, I fear Allâh, the Lord of the ‘Alamîn (mankind, jinns and all that exists)!" and left Barsisa was stonned to death and on the day of judgement he will be resurrected making Sujood to Shaytan!
So look how shaytan tricked him. He came to him as a friend, but was infact his biggest enemy!
(Their allies deceived them) like Shaitân (Satan), when he says to man: "Disbelieve in Allâh." But when (man) disbelieves in Allâh, Shaitân (Satan) says: "I am free of you, I fear Allâh, the Lord of the ‘Alamîn (mankind, jinns and all that exists)!" (Al-Hashr 59:16)
Shaytan will never make you sin directly, he will always trick you using Waswasah and he is more patient than any of us. So we should always seek refuge in Allah from Shayatn. Never think you have anough knowledge or are strong enough to take on Shaytan. This is why the Scholars of Islam are the ones with the most Taqwa, fear of Allah. So reflect on the story, if Shaytan told Barsisa to make sujood in the beginning, Barsisa would have said no staright away, but Shaytan has a plan in hand it was a step by step policy that made Barsisa finally breakdown and commit Kufr.
Reference for above story:
Stories in the Quran – Ibn Kathir – 110
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